One of the hardest decision’s of your life…

One of the hardest decision’s of my life was deciding the right name for my daughter. Whatever I decided was going to be with her for the rest of her life, so the pressure was on to get it right. I bought the baby names book with 10,000 names, origins and meanings. I made countless lists, on one I listed a girl name for every letter of the alphabet. I only knew that I wanted her name to mean something special, something relating to both sides of her family and beautiful too.

I always liked the name Evelyn but it just didn’t seem fitting for my baby and plus the name means a bird-like woman. What I did have narrowed down was the middle names, I had three to choose from: Grace for my mother, Annette for Chris’s granny and Leigh for my sister. In the end I knew I would pick Grace because it turns out it’s both of our mother’s middle names.

Some of the names didn’t make the cut. At one point I was telling everyone her name was going to be Cassandra and it might have been. I loved the idea of calling my daughter Cassie as a nickname. Then was obsessed with Carissa because I loved the way it sounded. In the end every time I told someone a name I had been thinking about it was really frustrating because they would just shoot it to pieces. But by the end I was stuck on Maliah, and nobody could tell me squat because I was getting to the point where I didn’t G.a.F and “this is what I’m naming my baby – be happy for me or shut-up.”

Maliah is the Polynesian/Hawaiian version of Mary which means the sea of bitterness. (Ironically her birth was filled with bitterness but I digress.) Mary was the name of my aunt that had died and plus its also Obama’s daughter’s name which I thought was nice. Afterwards I ended up changing the spelling to Maleah because I really believe that even a the most dull and dumb substitute teacher could read that phonetically and pronounce it right. Plus the nurses kept saying MALL-eeee-ah instead of ma-leah.

I loved the decision that I made, despite any worrying and stressing that I underwent while trying to find it. I love how well Melanie and Maleah go together. The fit is so perfect, so right and so Maleah.

Maleah Grace



6 reasons why you shouldn’t wake a sleeping man

1. Yes men get cranky too. Especially if they have been exerting themselves. So unless you want to brawl with your special diva, let them get their beauty rest.

2. They will say anything to shut you up and go back to sleep. If you asked them to pick you up after class at a certain time after waking them up, don’t expect your ride to be there.

3. If you yell FIRE really loud they might just run out the door in their underwear, potentially embarrassing to all parties.

4. If you havn’t made some sort of breakfast they figure it’s not morning yet.

5. He might just expect some booty even if your not in the mood to give it.

6. Trust me you’re going to want a crack at the bathroom before they get in there and stink it up.

And there are six reasons why I never wake a man up.

Old School Vs. New School

Most main stream rappers like Lil’ Wayne or Wiz Khalifa or even the so called gangsta rappers like Waka or Gucci seem to be really messed up in the game. They rap mostly about their crew, pussy, money and weed and as long as there is a hot beat behind it everyone goes along with it. I feel like a lot of this music has lost touch with reality. For example Wiz is notorious for his ganja life style, like that’s his gimmick. Look at the lifestyle that he lives (or says he lives). Do you know anyone who lives that way? If so, everyday?

Lil’ Wayne is forever representing Young Money Cash Money Business. 6 Foot 7 Foot for example, is basically him talking about his swagga and his crew. He has excellent word play but the overall message is skewed.

Most of the old school rap is less superficial and more reality based. Sure they would rap about the “party” lifestyle too but it wasn’t the main message.

Maybe I’m just trying to find my childhood, but the future seems to be getting more greedy and superficial.

Drug and Social Impact

This Thursday was the last class session for Drug & Social Impact course. It was a very easy and relaxed class and I loved it. My instructor was cool and laid back as well. The only annoying part was a study session for chem that messed up the grade for one of my papers because it was due on the same night. Hopefully he will get it together and get my grade right. The only other uncertainty is the attendance, I missed a few classes but it was only took a few nights so we shall see.

This is the last night of this class and I’m trying to finish my blogs for another. Honestly I really don’t want to be here right now. Not because I feel it’s irrelevant but because Maleah is sick, she has a cold and plus she’s extra fussy because she had to get more shots today which completely SUCKS! She got a cold from another baby, one of Chris’s friend’s son. His friend and gf came over and that dumbass girl put her son on her mat and he was licking all over her toys. Like damn this girl is so stupid and I didn’t want to say anything cause her ass is so confrontational. After they left I cleaned all the toys that he touched but she’s sick and I’m pissed.

Her nose is stuffy and she was coughing all last night. There’s really nothing that I can do but give her saline drops. I told Chris to set the bathroom like a sauna and let the steam clear up her nose at her bathtime. That’s why I want to go home, just trying not to think about it right now..


My Thanksgiving was boring but nice. Me and the hubby went over to his grandma’s house which was nice but she was on some new medication so she ended up taking a nap for an hour. It sucked because we were the only one’s there. His mom couldn’t make it from Buchanan and his brother and they family went over to his gf’s families house which is a total cop-out. They just had a new baby and Granny hasn’t seen her or heard from them yet. Like c’mon guys Granny isn’t going to be around forever. But I guess they feel like Granny and they momma don’t care enough about them because they didn’t go to her baby shower or visit her in the hospital after she had the baby. I feel like they are so stuck up, just put aside your pride and understand that these are your elders and YOU need to be the ones showing THEM respect and coming to them. Shoot after I had Maleah I had to go to see my dad and Chris’s dad in order for them to see the baby for the first time and I’m glad that I did.

This year I was thankful that my daughter has the opportunity to know her great-grandparents and grandparents and have relationships with them. I only knew my grandmother on my dad’s side when I was a kid and I feel like having more interaction with her would have been nice.

We were at grannies for a while. They had chitlins-which I will never try eww- greens, ham, ribs and green beans. But the real feast was at Chris’s dads place, we were just going to stop by to say hey and we ended up arriving just in time to pig out. Andre, Chris’s dad, made some dope ham, literally the best ham ever and I don’t even like ham. I was really pleased that we stopped over there because there was no one else there, besides his stepmom and stepsister- yeah no drama for once!

The next day we went to my dad’s house where I finally got some turkey. Chris had to be to work at four so we were kind of pressed for time. The dinner was so good, plus my dad’s turkey was so juicy and he had cranberry sauce n deviled eggs. Can you say YUMMM! My sister, Jason, Kayleigh and Bella, my neices came by, I missed them soooo much. Kayleigh just turned three and Bella is one year old. So all three of the grandbabies got to see each other. Maleah and Bella were interacting, Maleah was cheesing, it was just plain adorable. Was so mad that I didn’t bring my camera because they haven’t seen each other as much as I would like. My sister lives in Lawton, which isn’t very far away but we just never have the gas.

Anyways I had a great Thanksgiving, no drama, just family and it was Maleah’s first official holiday outside the womb, lol. Ironically on Thanksgiving she was exactly four months and shes developing beautifully; people are always guessing that she’s about six months. The holiday pretty much affirmed how much I love my family.

Sunday Sunday

My Sunday was alright. I spent half the day in p.j.’s being lazy; but by the three I eventually came around. Did the dishes, pinesoled the majority of the place, then me and the baby took a shower. Sorted through all my clothes even though I didn’t have any quarters to do the laundry, which really sucks because I like doing laundry on Sundays. Then Chris called and said he would be closing tonight, really…like you couldn’t have said anything sooner. Like damn you weren’t even supposed to work today. Hoping the week will go smoothly because I have a shit ton of chem homework to do before Friday – which is the next exam day. Totally have been putting it off all week end and the week before I was sick.

Just really need to study, I really want and A in this class and on the last exam I got a B. Which was lucky because the professor gave everyone an extra three points on an exam that was worth twenty so that brought my total score up a letter grade to a B.

Besides chemistry, money is also really stressing me out. I don’t have a job right now and I have to hear about it all the time. Ugh. DHS sent me a letter saying that I have to do the JET program again. Jobs Education and Training. They require all people that they give cash assistance to participate in. Basically you have to do job searches and fill out job applications. They had me doing this back when I was pregnant but back then they were giving me more money. Now they only give me like ten dollars per month, which is ridiculous because that buys one small pack of diapers. If I wasn’t seriously trying to find a job I would call up my case worker and say that she can keep that insignificant ten dollars, but I might as well just do it. That is seriously insulting though, ten dollars a month isn’t shit and they want me to go out and work for it. It’s like getting the twelve dollar child support check for my mom when I was a kid, only enough to go to the store or something, not really anything.

I honestly would love a job but I have to work around school and Chris’s work schedule and childcare. Maybe next semester I can work it out. I need to so bad, it sucks having to rely on someone for money and the most of the time I’m flat broke. Chris thinks we should put the baby in daycare and that’s also something I REALLY don’t want to do. We can at the very least wait until she’s one. I don’t like the idea of leaving her all day with other people, the thought almost makes me want to cry. I’m responsible for this child, I’m not just going to go leave her somewhere with strangers and other kids and their germs. C’mon she’s a fucking infant, you think he would understand but no. He probably thinks it’s no big deal because his brothers gf runs a daycare, which isn’t taking anymore babies because she just had one. But I knew from the day I found out I was pregnant that I didn’t want my baby in HER daycare. She’s such a stuck up bitch, gave me so many problems in the past year. But of course have to be cordial. God I hate her.

So yeah that’s what I’ve been doing/thing about today. The baby finally went to sleep for real after waking up a few times. Going to try and catch up on these blogs – which I feel I have been neglecting.


Last week my daughter got her first shots since we’ve been home from the hospital. I knew that it would be more then one but when they told me that she would be getting a total of seven vaccinations I was horrified.

Not only was she getting her shots but we had to go to the same pediatrician office that’s been irritating me since we started going there. I’m not going to name any names but when I was in the hospital recovering from the birth the fine people at Bronson told me that this particular doctors office was a very good one.  MAN, I wish I had done my research! Not only do I hate her pediatrician’s office but I come to find out that the one I want to get her into is full up and won’t be accepting new patients until possibly January when they get a new computer system; until then they are only taking newborns referred to them by (you guessed it) Bronson. Thank you Bronson for referring me to a quality doctor for my baby! NOT.

So I’m at the doctors office that I hate, the male nurse that took us back to the room is being kind of stuck up, flamboyant and annoying. The clock is ticking down to when she finally has to get her shots. She gets her height and weight measured, the the doctor comes in. Very professionally dressed in a grunge-era flannel long sleeved shirt and camel colored dockers. After she told us her percentile for weight, height and head circumference, the grungy doctor left and we waited for the nurse to come back and give her the shots. We ended up waiting for almost 45 minutes. I poked my head out about five times until the doctor came back and said we could leave – hello she hasn’t had her shot yet. Did she honestly think we were sitting back there for no reason?!

So the nurse finally came back. The first vaccination that she got was an oral one for the Rotavirus which can cause a life threatening diarrhea in infants. Then she got three shots that combined were vaccines for Diphtheria-tetanus-pertussis, polio, Hib, pneumococcal conjugate, and hepatitus B. I was holding her arms while the male nurse slowly and somewhat lazily gave her the three shots in her legs. He was so emotionless it really pissed me off. From the moment the first needle pierced her skin she was balling and he was being to slow I honestly wanted to bitch slap the guy.They didn’t give us an immunization record nor did they ask to see one, which also pissed me off because that whole office probably need help with its messed up files and paper work. The first two times that we went there her name was misspelled.

We got a few papers about the shots that she had gotten and the first page of the documents was entitled “After the Shots…What to do if your child has discomfort” and she was very fussy and uncomfortable, so much so that I considered medicating her with baby Tylenol but the car ride on the way to get it put her to sleep for the night thank God.

I love my daughter and if I have to go through a bunch of bullshit just to get her into a decent doctors office then so be it. Monday will be the first of many days spent talking on the phone trying to do just that, I have 2 more months until she has to go to the doctors office again and get shots and a well-child exam. The clock is ticking.